Sunday Scaries: EBSA Through a Working Mum’s Eyes

Sunday evenings used to be the hardest part of my week. Not because of my own job, although working full time comes with its own pressures, but because I could see what was coming for my child. As the weekend drew to a close, her anxiety about school would begin to rise. By bedtime, it was often overwhelming. 

This experience is commonly described as Emotionally Based School Avoidance (EBSA). At the time, it didn’t feel like a concept or a framework. It felt like exhaustion, guilt, and the constant question of whether I was getting it wrong for my child. 

The practical reality of EBSA  

Mornings were tense. I had one child who needed to get to school on time. I had meetings to get to, emails to answer, and responsibilities that didn’t pause. Alongside that, I had a child who physically could not face school. 

This wasn’t defiance or poor behaviour. The distress was very real. Tears, stomach aches, freezing at the door, and sometimes total shutdown. Would we make it into reception, or would we be stuck in the car? Every morning became a negotiation between compassion and practicality. I wanted to support my child emotionally, but I also needed to keep life moving for the rest of the family. I also wanted her to believe in herself and know that she can do hard things. I didn’t want to have the experience that maybe she really was too anxious for school. Because I believed in her.  

Over time, the pressure builds, not just on the child, but on parents too. You begin to feel isolated. You worry about attendance, about judgement, about whether your child is falling behind socially and academically. You also worry about your relationship with them, because every school morning feels like a battle. It’s a terrifying place to be. 

Why art therapy was different 

We were referred to art therapy at a point where talking alone wasn’t helping. My child struggled to explain what they were feeling, and when asked directly, often said “I don’t know”. That didn’t mean there was nothing there; it meant the feelings were hard to access and even harder to put into words. 

Art therapy gave them another way in. 

Sessions didn’t focus on persuading my child to attend school. They focused on safety, expression, and understanding what was driving the anxiety underneath the avoidance. Through drawing, making, and creative exploration, my child was able to externalise fears that had previously felt overwhelming and internal. 

Importantly, the therapist didn’t rush the process. There was no pressure to “fix” attendance quickly. Instead, the work centred on emotional regulation, self-confidence, and helping my child feel more in control of their experiences. 

Changes we began to see 

The changes were gradual but meaningful. 

My child began to talk more, not just in therapy, but at home. They could name feelings more accurately. School stopped being a single, frightening concept and became something that could be broken down into manageable parts: certain lessons, certain social situations, certain times of day, certain classrooms. School really helped them accommodate these challenging parts of the day to help her through, and several members of staff became ‘safe people’. 

As her confidence grew, so did her resilience. There were setbacks, but they didn’t spiral in the same way. Mornings became calmer. Sundays stopped being dominated by dread. 

Eventually, school attendance improved, but more importantly, my child’s wellbeing did.

They began to engage socially again. They started to enjoy learning. Today, they are thriving in ways that once felt out of reach with a wonderful supportive friendship group. I am so proud of her. 

A message for other parents 

EBSA is complex. It affects the whole family, particularly when parents are balancing work, siblings, and limited support. It is not a failure of parenting, and it is not something children choose. 

Art therapy didn’t offer a quick solution, but it offered the right one. It met my child where they were, respected their emotional world, and helped them rebuild confidence from the inside out. 

For families facing the “Sunday Scaries” week after week, support that goes beyond attendance targets and behaviour plans can make all the difference. Sometimes, giving a child another way to express themselves is the first step back to school and to feeling like themselves again. 

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